To Love, Honor and Your Money

My husband Michael and I are coming up on our one-year wedding anniversary next month and we are still trying to figure out how to better manage our money together. Before I was married, I spent many, many years living out my life, paying my own way, deciding for myself where I wanted to spend my hard-earned dollar and establishing my own financial goals. After I got married, I wanted to remain financially independent. I worked full time and felt strongly that I wanted to fully contribute equally to our household bills.

Finances are a hot topic for any couple and can become a real argument if you don’t work out a strategy you both feel comfortable with at some point between falling in love and picking out your China pattern. And with today’s economy, many couples do require two incomes. So what are the best ways to work out financial responsibilities. I gathered some interesting data from various financial web sites. Here are some suggestions:

Joint Finances

In this system, all of your earrings are combined into one account and all of your household expenses are paid out from here. There is no division of who it belongs to.

One benefit of putting all your money into one pot is it is just easier. There is no “Mine, Yours and Ours”. Another benefit of sharing everything is it could put you on the fast track to achieving your financial goals. You will be able to invest more and create savings plans more effectively when you put your money into one joint account.

The disadvantage is if one spouse is a saver, and the other is a spender. Having all your purchases scrutinized can be a nightmare.

Tips:

• Agree on a budget
• Discuss spending money for each spouse
• Discuss purchases made over that threshold (car, gifts, vacations)
• Set mutually agreed upon savings goals
• Keep regular discussions on your financial situation

Yours, Mine and Ours

In this scenario, you manage your money independently from your spouse, but share joint household bills. This is how Michael and I still manage our money because it gives me a sense of independence. There are two different methods:

Even Steven: This is also known as college roommate style. Deposit your paychecks into separate checking accounts and share the cost of all your bills fifty/fifty. Here, you’ll each contribute half to the mortgage or rent, utilities, groceries and other monthly bills. The advantage of this system is fairness, each contributes equally to the household expenses and still has money to call his/her own, while the disadvantage is the unfairness to the person who earns less and therefore gets stuck paying a higher percentage of his or her income on household expenses and has less to spend on discretionary things.

Proportional Contribution: This method is similar to the “Even Steven” contribution, but works for a couple with vastly different incomes. In this case, each person has their own account and each pays a percentage of their income towards the bills. You need to determine what percentage of income you bring to the household and then contribute that amount to the monthly expenses. For example, if one earns $100,000 and the other makes $60,000, you’ll contribute three-fifths and two-fifths of the total cost of the bills.

The advantage of this system is that each pays an equal percentage of their income. The disadvantages are similar to the “Even Steven” system in that the person with the higher income will still have more money to spend on discretionary purchases.

Tips:

• To make life easier, you can calculate a total contribution each month required by both of you for bills and transfer that amount to a joint account.
• Make sure you both contribute to a rainy day slush fun for savings and emergencies each month.
• Be aware that one may be spending all of the leftover money, while the other decides to save it.
• You still need to discuss and agree upon long-term goals and retirement plans
• You will file income taxes jointly so plan for this accordingly.

Independent Finances

Here, you can still manage your finances separately without contributing to joint bills together. In this scenario, each spouse pays for different bills out of their own account. For example, one spouse is responsible for the cable, insurance and entertainment, while the other spouse pays the electric and groceries.

The benefit of this are the simplicity of each being responsible for certain bills and you only need to keep track of your own account.

As long as you find a way to divide the responsibilities in a way you are both happy, it can work. Just make sure you periodically check in to be sure the system makes financial sense and you are both are still in agreement.

No matter what strategy you decide, there will be bumps along the road. When that happens, you need to take a step back and cool off. Money matters are always a highly sensitive issue for any couple. Avoid making any decisions in the heat of the moment. Always check in with your spouse on money issues. Even if you do your own financial planning, independent of each other, there are always joint expenditures like children and vacations. Michael and I may have different spending and saving ideas, but they are slowly and surely become one.

Getting Dressed in 30 Minutes or Less

Have you ever been late to work because you couldn't put an outfit together? Are you late meeting up with friends because you can't find a half-way decent thing to wear in your closet? If you are like me, it takes forever to get out the door for work or a night out. During the week, I’m either getting my stuff together for the entire day half asleep or I’m putzing around my house. On the weekends, a whole army of possible tops, bottoms and shoes come flying out of the closet. My husband has learned to adopt to this ritual and just grins and bears it.

I know being stylish takes time, but I’ve had plenty of practice getting out the door. Here are some of my words of wisdom on getting dressed in 30 minutes or less and still look fabulous.

1. Keep your closet and drawers organized. Place pants with pants, shirts with shirts and dresses with dresses. Sort your clothes by color. You might also want to keep your workday and weekend clothes separate. This narrows your choices and makes it faster to see what works together and what doesn’t.
2. Don’t waste time going through your closets and drawers for the perfect pair of leggings or underwear. Fill your drawers with plenty of basics in a variety of shades, good bras and essential underwear.
3. Put clothes away in read-to-wear condition. If a piece needs to be dry cleaned, is missing a button, needs to be ironed or even losing its hem, keep it out of your closet. You don’t want to be wasting time putting on a wardrobe malfunction. You'll only end up wasting precious time on multiple fashion changes when you should be heading out the door.

Style guru and author of Style Rx: Dressing the Body You Have to Create the Body You Want, Bridgette Raes said the surest way to get dressed in a pinch is to simplify your wardrobe. She said to shop for clothes that you can mix and match and avoid pieces that don’t function with what you already have. “The clothes you pick must earn their place in your closet,” Bridgette said. “Be sure to get some mileage out of each item so that you don’t have 10,000 things going on in the morning. Rather you want to pick pieces to build your wardrobe.”

In addition, she suggested to lay out your clothes the night before. She said to be sure you take the the few minutes needed to think about what you are going to wear and pull them from your closets. Often times, women put themselves last behind their children and husbands. Stop putting yourself at the end of the line and start putting yourself first. It just takes a couple of minutes every day to make clear what you need to wear. Lastly, she said to keep a clothes diary or take photos. Knowing what outfits work great is a real time saver.

Fabulous Fridays: Forever Your Girl In Skinny Jeans

I was never much of a fan of skinny jeans. I thought this trend couldn’t last more than a season. I say this because I believed no one (namely me) could possibly look half way decent in them. I saw skinny jeans on skinny, younger women. So I bought bootcut, flared and wide-leg styles to match my curvy body. But that firm belief came to a crashing end when my ever-so stylish friends Lisa and Tina told me about the skinny jeans at forever21. On top of that, these skinny jeans retail for about $15, depending on level of detail. That’s a cheap wonder and a great way to try out a trend that looks like it's going to stick around for another couple of seasons. So on my first visit to Forever 21 I tried on my first pair of skinny jeans in a clean black wash and holy cow were they awesome! This rocker chic style was only $12.50 and felt like any of my designer ones that sell for far more. They were soft, lightweight and had the right amount of stretch. Even better, the waist on these jeans were roomier than I expected and could be zipped up with ease. I topped the look off with a dark grey knit top with sparkling metallic sequin and beaded trim that retails for $27.80. I’m wearing the jeans with my patent leather Mary Jane’s by manoloblahnik. And the jeans will also look fabulous tucked into high boots.

Me in my new fabulous black skinny jeans:

If you are already in the know about this slender style, Forever 21 has a whole bevy of cool fall washes, treatments and prints to pick from. I’m already eyeing the grey pair.

I'm CoCo For Coconut Water

Have you had your coconut today?

I just discovered the most refreshing, all-natural, low-sugar drink that will make you feel you are on an island in the South Pacific. I present to you the humble coconut.

I had a recent encounter with this superfood at the wholefoods on the Isle of Manhattan in Union Square and my jaw dropped. Two dapper young men were lovingly holding their 3 pound, prized possession. Of course I had to ask if they were adding rum to it. These city slickers scoffed and said with a total sneer that this was really a healthy drink. My bad.

I had to try one. I went back downstairs to the produce department and picked up a coconut for $2.99 and gleefully went home to try. I chilled it in the refrigerator for about an hour and then attempted to hack off the top using a chef’s knife. This proved to be much harder than I thought and had to call up my new cabana boy a.k.a. my building's superintendent for assistance. Whole Foods does offer to do the job themselves, free of charge.

Inside, was a clear liquid with a slightly sour, somewhat nutty taste. Still, it was very light and definitely refreshing and instantly made me feel I was no longer in an urban jungle but a tropical resort.

Barely processed, containing no refined sugars and its single ingredient, coconut water is the newest drink served up by the young, hip and fashionable urban elite and no longer contained to the beautiful beaches of the world.

Coconut water is naturally filled with five essential electrolytes (just like those found in Gatorade and other sport drinks that get you re-hydrated and re-energized after a long workout or bike ride (I like mine to cure a hangover). These electrolytes also work to boost performance, so making a snazzy coconut drink prior to your workout is a smart warmup choice if you’re looking to increase your endurance. It also has more potassium than a banana to prevent cramping and to promote recovery.

Coconut water is also a superfood, meaning it is filled with essential minerals, vitamins, antioxidants and amino acids to keep you moving. But unlike popular sports drinks, coconut water is low in sugar and high in nutrients.

Even better for those counting calories, coconut water is naturally low in fat and calories. Other benefits are coconut water can improve our digestion by helping our intestines function properly. Its potent nutrients also help give us glowing skin. It’s no wonder people living in the tropics looks so darn happy all the time.

These days, coconut water is becoming more available. When you are shopping for coconut water, look for 100% pure coconut water. If you aren’t able to grab the real thing, here are companies that package the drink and are sold in many grocery stores and come in a mouth-watering flavors like mango, pineapple, passion fruit and acai/pomegranate. Check your local grocery store for zico, onenaturalexperience and vitacoco.

How To Dress With Style, Without Looking Trendy

One of the better benefits of turning the big 4-oh is our new found confidence and sophistication we have rightly earned. Through the trials and tribulations of life, we’ve lived long enough to know what we want and who we are. We’re smart and sassy and want to invest well in ourselves but without having to submit to a fashion trend.

While I want to stay stylish, I definitely don’t feel I have to be fashionable anymore. I want to find clothes that fit, that make me look well put together, but I’m certainly not ready to dress like my mother nor do I want to wear clothes that I have to stuff myself into. And I definitely am not embracing the trends (hello neon, padded shoulders and leggings) that I wore back in high school. I know there are plenty of chic options out there.

I asked style expert and author of Style Rx: Dressing The Body You Have To Create The Body You Want, Bridgette Raes, how women in their 40s can take the trends today and make them suitable for us.

“It’s all in the accents,” Bridgette said. “It’s the best way to go after a trend and how to finish your look.”

Style expert and author Bridgette Raes:

Bridgette said while it is essential to keep the core of your outfit classic, accessories are the key to keeping your look fresh and up-to-date. One of the ways to incorporate fall’s trends into your wardrobe is by adding a little accent piece. For example, a green-hued necklace or cuff bracelet with rock n’ roll flair, a fun, colorful jacket or a pair of nude shoes can easily be added and take a blah look and make it fresh and exciting.

“What I’ve found is women tend to get dressed 75% of the way,” Bridgette said. “Who’s not bored with black pants and a colored top. Don’t forget to add personality and finish it.”

Bridgette refers to this style, or lack of, as a chicken outfit. “Chicken in pot of boiling water is only as good as what you do to it,” she said. “Most women get dressed like a chicken, bland, and don’t add any flavor.”

To avoid this, a woman can add some spice to her look by changing the component she adds to her base outfit. She can wear an interesting shoe, add a pop of color or don unusual jewelry versus wear the uniform of black pant suit and a string of pearls.

“It’s the best way to liven up an outfit and it’s the one place where we don’t have to worry about fit,” Bridgette said.

It is also the one place that’s all about you and adding your personality to the outfit.

“What is great about accessories is they can make an outfit look five different ways, saving you money and what is going to separate you from everyone else,” Bridgette said.

To pick the best accessories, Bridgette said to think about what colors are in your wardrobe and find colors that work with it. When in doubt, the stylist said to go green. “Green is a colored neutral, meaning it goes with every color” she said. Other style solutions to create interest for classic dressing include metallic and nude shoes, leopard prints and fishnet stockings.

The leopard print on these classic ballet flats from Lauren Ralph Lauren adds chic style when wearing either jeans or pants.

I love the tailored shaping of this jacket from Nanette Lepore. Plus the forest green plaid can be worn with jeans and black pants and a great pair of boots.

This whimsical skull necklace with white sapphires by Wendy Brandes adds the right amount of rock 'n roll edginess to any look.

The rich green hue on this leather satchel from Valentino will add interest to all your great classics.

These nude pumps from Kate Spade are so versatile and will look great with any outfit.

“If you’re wearing black pants, go for an interesting shoe,” Bridgette said. “It’s a much more elegant look and can elevate the look of black pants from the cubicle to the corner office.”

One of the key differences to dressing your age is achieving a look that is youthful, but not young. “If she dresses too young, she looks older,” Bridgette said. “If she is wearing a short, tight skirt, leggings or a tight top, she’s going to look older. If you modify the look so it is youthful, you’ll actually look younger.”

At this point in our lives, we have really hit our stride. While there are so many things that are more important than clothing, we still want to look good. We have reached a point where we want to put ourselves front and center, and that shouldn’t be about clothing. We need to emphasize this in our style, and to separate ourselves from our younger sisters. We are women who are seasoned and one of the best ways is by dressing for ourselves. It’s a real confidence booster.

It almost seems silly to worry if something is trendy or to wonder if you’re wearing something right. This is your life and it’s looking good.

More importantly, I think it is wise to invest in really good classic pieces that you can mix and match and build off it.

According to Bridgette, a good classic wardrobe should include the following: A good pair of basic pants in neutral shades, including black, brown, camel, olive and charcoal, a few great blazers, that have some personality, that you can wear as an outerwear piece in the spring and fall and as a jacket in the winter. She also says one good “go to” dress that is basic. It doesn’t necessarily have to be black, but a neutral shade is smart because the look can change easily with an outfit change. She also mentions you should have in your classic closet good basic knit tops that be be worn as layering pieces in basic colors. Other items your closet needs is one good handbag, preferably in a camel shade that can be worn with either black or brown shades, one pair of tall boots that can be worn with skirts or pants, in either black or brown and one good scarf, pashmina in size, that be be worn as a wrap when it’s cold.

Wedding Dresses: Beyond The LBD

I just got back from a fabulous wedding weekend in New Bern, North Carolina -- Congrats Sara and Dave. Sure, we all know it’s about the bride and her beautiful white dress, but it’s also challenging for us guests to come up with our outfit(s). For this particular wedding, we had no less than five events to attend, including a post rehearsal dinner dance. Of course all of this planning sent me into a wardrobe meltdown. I stood in front of my closet and tried to sort out my clothing options and found seven black dresses. I ended up picking a David Meister one, a super-flattering black jersey dress with curve-friendly ruched sides. I wore them with my Christian Louboutin black patent leather peep-toe pumps, hoping the signature red soles would add something. It was the safest option, but one that was definitely not memorable. I would normally post a picture here, but you get the idea.

My next wedding is Friday and I’m going to apply a new set of rules. Hopefully this will guide you to look your prettiest and give you some pizzaz.

1. I’m going to accessorize better. A brightly colored scarf, a bold necklace or a fun earrings will do the trick and take my classic black dress out of its boring existence.
2. I’m pairing a black dress with lavish heels. We all have our signature black pumps but by wearing a classic dress with a more colorful, lively heel, it not only dresses it up, it helps you just look complete.
3. Dare to be different. Go for a COLOR!!!
4. But be sure not to be too outlandish and take away attention from the bride.

Here are a couple I’m eyeing for Friday’s wedding.

Wearing a bow may be hard to pull off but this pretty dress from Francis set my heart a flutter.

I love the sexy appeal in this curve-hugging black and red bandage dress from Hervé Léger.

One of the biggest trends this fall is sequins and this dress by Sass & Bide provides the right amount of drama.

This dress from David Meister exudes extravagance with its daring single shoulder.

The streamlined cut of this two-tone dress by Nicole Miller is a figure-flattering style.

Get Fit: Exercise Tips To Keep You Motivated

Do you feel like you never have time to work out?

Do you really plan to go to the gym but your day is spent going from the office to home and perhaps taking care of your children, finishing up some work or having a glass of wine and reconnecting with friends, your husband or even yourself?

I get it.

This post will hopefully encourage you to get back into a fitness routine that is fun, empowering and most of all keep you motivated all winter long.

I ask you to think about your priorities and the benefits of working out. And I’m not just talking about going to the gym. I know it isn’t for everyone. But I’m also talking about finding a fitness activity that works for you, that you have fun doing and making it a part of your daily life. I’m talking about putting on a pair of sneakers and running to the reservoir and back, climbing three flights of stairs, practicing yoga, joining a friend for a walk in the city. There are so many resources out there that are good for you and can be a fun way to be with friends or maybe even meeting new ones.

Every decision we make is based on a choice, a pro and a con, and I ask you to identify what are the benefits to you for going to the gym and keeping a workout routine.

For me, working out is a great stress relief and the time I take to dedicate for just me. I know that I always feel so much better after I leave the gym then when I went in. All the stress and anxiety I carried around with me throughout the day (and that can be as damaging to my health as smoking a pack of cigarettes) is gone. There are also other benefits we all know about like getting back into shape, feeling stronger and fighting the long-term health risks like heart disease, stroke and diabetes.

Now that you see all the benefits, the second question I have for you is to think about what will motivate you to stay committed to your new game plan, what do you want to achieve and what do you envision yourself looking like.

For me, I love being able to wear clothes I feel comfortable in. Looking fabulous in clothes and loving the body I’m living in is an amazing feeling. Also, when I workout consistently, I’m more in-tune with my body and myself and I end up eating better, having more energy to do other things I love and overall feeling great.

What helps me stay motivated and able to wake up at 5:30 am is a strong network of friends that encourage me. My friend Kevin kept my dukes up during my karate Jen days, my friend Janice makes sure I sign up for a bike every Monday morning and of course the amazing instructors at Equinox. I also have joined Equinox and a New York Cycling Club and have gone on great rides and have met lots of fabulous people along the way. It creates a great community of people that encourage me, motivate me and push me to keep going.

Another motivating factor to help you get started and always works for me is setting goals. They can be short or long-term goals, just as long as they are attainable. It helps me to look at working out in chucks of time and I am rewarded at the end with my achievements. Last year was my wedding, this year was the triathlon. It’s always great to reach that next level. It’s so empowering.

The third question you need to ask yourself is prioritizing when in your day you are going to carve you time for yourself. Start keeping a time diary like a food diary to figure out when you have time during the day/night. If it means going to bed earlier, then just do it. Make a commitment to try it two days a week. That’s what got me started. If you work in an office, go during lunch. I promise you that if you make these changes for 30 straight days, it will become a habit.

Start thinking of your workout as a little vacation for yourself everyday. It takes all of your days worries and puts them “back there” for just a bit.

Now, no more excuses to stay on the sidelines because you want this to work, right? That's the first step. Congrats! I’m so excited you’ll be joining me in the fun!